The pains of the second generation of wealthy families (and why nobody understands them) -

This is a story about a young man who came from a wonderful family, had a great upbringing, described his position as second generation wealth yet felt very lost and alone in his twenties. His life was directionless and seemingly going nowhere, although on the face of it he had everything, deep down, he felt lost and stuck because not only could he not describe his emotions, but he felt stupid to even ask for help. How could this be? There was no immediate tragedy, he was a healthy young man, he came from a good family, money had never been an issue and having qualified as an accountant he even had an element of academic and professional success. So, what the hell was the problem? Confused, alone, in darkness and unsure about the direction of his life this is not only my story, but what I have discovered to be a story that resonates with many other second-generation children of wealthy families.

I always wanted to achieve something great in my life. Initially, I felt my pu必利勁 rpose was to go to university, get a good qualification and then pass my professional accountancy exams the first time. Although this stage of my life was difficult (the university was both boring and the exams were tough) – I had a target, a goal and this drove me to achieve what I felt at the time was a success. The problems began when I ‘reached’ my goals. I simply did not know what to do with myself. I had no plans to either start a business and I didn’t know where to work. I simply “fell” into the first job I found and at a blink of an eye 3 years passed in my life.

I fell into a zone that is so dangerous that it makes you feel stale and lethargic as it drains all the energy in your life – the comfort zone! I ended up working in my father’s business, something which I never wanted to do. I was frustrated and angry.

I felt trapped and filled with despair. I didn’t know my life purpose or vision. I felt burdened with the expectations of carrying on my father’s legacy and to continue looking after the family which included my two siblings. I had nowhere to go and I felt that nobody understood my position. From the outside, it appeared that I had no financial problems, a guaranteed job so how could I have had any problems? In reality, I was deeply frustrated, I couldn’t describe what was eating me inside, and I hid my true emotions from the rest of the world. I blamed my father for the position I found myself in my life and hid behind this blame.

You see, my father came to this country in his early twenties with just the clothes on his back. This gave him the drive and ambition to become the self-made success he is today. He worked hard to be able to provide for his children the life he never had, and he succeeded.

When I grew up I experienced my father’s success evolving. I remember him coming home with his first luxury car which had electric windows and how amazed both my sister and I were to see this ‘phenomenal’ piece of technology. I had a great upbringing, I went to good private schools, I always had food on the table, I didn’t come from a broken home and I always spent our Summers in our holiday home in Cyprus. From the outside looking in I had an easy life. However, being given an easy life creates different problems as I would soon realise growing up.

What was immediately apparent to me was an inbuilt fear of loss and failure that has remained with me until today. My Great Grandfather (my father’s grandfather) was in his day very successful and wealthy. He was a tall, powerfully built man who had a very savvy business mind. Based in Cyprus, those that controlled the land controlled the wealth (which is not too dissimilar to today). My Great Grandfather controlled virtually all the land and the produce it created in his Cypriot village of Dikomo.

His son (my grandfather) inherited a great fortune and had a very privileged childhood. Unfortunately, he didn’t have the stomach for business – in fact, he didn’t want to learn about finances. He gave away most of the land he inherited to his eldest children without thought or care and what remained he squandered. By the time my father (who was the second youngest of eight children) was seven the wealth had gone.

My father became a self-made successful entrepreneur so in my mind, I had the burden of thinking that historically, in accordance with our family cycle I was due to lose it all.

I was to later discover that this process had a name “Shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations.”

My worries of this were compounded when I discovered extensive research on ‘generational family wealth’ which confirmed that 70% of wealthy families lose their wealth within two generations and 90% lose it all within three generations!

I followed my father’s footsteps, but always wanted to create something for myself. I had no love for my work and felt trapped in a cycle that was leading me nowhere.

I was desperately searching for ‘a solution’ even though I didn’t know what the solution was. I was suffocating and feeling the burden of my family’s financial future. I felt alone and totally lost. I bottled all my emotions and felt stupid about my situation whilst thinking that are my problems were being forced upon me by life.

Being lost gave me a reason to look for something better to train myself to become an expert in my field to experiment and make the necessary mistakes which has made me the person I am today. As someone who would call himself second generation wealth I had to discover something which comes very naturally to self-made millionaires (first generation wealth) and that is ambition!

I realised that I had to learn and improve myself or be forever stuck in a lifelong rut. Rather than fight my situation, I embraced it. I had the choice to either moan or complain about my circumstances or to take control of my life. I looked at both the advantages and the disadvantages of who I was, where I was and my personal upbringing and loved them both equally.

My background gave me the insight knowledge of the struggles and pressures of second generation wealth and the potential stresses it can place on a family. As a professional I also realised there was a massive gap in the market for collective professional services that not only understood family dynamics and how it can impact the family wealth legacy but that also empathized with families. Irrespective of wealth all families contain persons with different value systems. I have created a business that understands this and provides bespoke solutions that meets our clients (families) specific needs. By helping our clients communicate and understand each other’s value systems, they become empowered to keep and expand their wealth for generations. Just as importantly we ensure that the existing advisors are aligned to work together to achieve the family’s vision. This forms part of our strategy to help ‘bridge the gap’ between families and their advisors.

I embraced my advantageous position which I thought was holding me back in my life. I learned about property investing and grew the family portfolio fourfold.

I have now built a team that has enabled my company Charles Group to become the hub for successful high net worth individuals and families. I am now using my experience and expertise to help facilitate the business of being a family. We help our clients to establish the four fundamental components of family prosperity (you can download a copy of our report for free from our website).

I know how lonely and trapped it feels to be second generation wealth and the potentially destructive effect it can have on the family dynamic and legacy – your family does not have to be in the same position.

The pains of the second generation of wealthy families (and why nobody understands them)

Nicholas Charles: my story, my why

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